Pop Goes the Culture

No wonder Paris Hilton acts the way she does.

2007-02-20T01:35:00.000-05:00

Go on, Elliot Mintz (Paris' spin doctor). Go on and insult our intelligence. Tell us why it appears that our precious American "royalty", -- cough -- Paris Hilton, is smoking reefer.

And don't try passing it off as her enjoying a smokeless tobacco cigarette or some BS like that, Mr. Yes-Man. It must be nice to lie for a living, you scumbag!!

As for our wonky-eyed heroin(e): it's a long, hard road to Anna Nicole-land...but with her excessive partying, Paris isn't having any trouble traveling that road.

Did Howard K. Stern Contribute to Anna Nicole's Demise?

2007-02-18T22:46:00.000-05:00

No, the news isn't official.

It's obvious.

Former Playmate of the Year/Guess Jeans model Anna Nicole Smith, died on February 8 under mysterious circumstances at the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel and Casino in Hollywood, Florida. She had recently fallen on some hard times.

Her 20-year-old son Daniel collapsed and died in Anna Nicole's hospital room last September, while he was visiting his mother and newborn sister in the Bahamas. There has been a lot of speculation that Howard K. Stern, Anna Nicole's longtime lawyer, had given Daniel the lethal drug, meant to alleviate the withdrawal symptoms of heroin addicts.

I have even more reason to believe that Stern may have unwittingly contributed to the untimely death of Anna Nicole in an attempt to earn himself some more money off her tragic figure. Recently, a photo appeared on TMZ.com of the contents of Anna Nicole's refrigerator at her house in the Bahamas. Inside was some meal replacement shakes, spray butter, some other condiments, and a large bottle of liquid methadone.

Methadone. The very drug that was found in Daniel's body after he collapsed and died. No, nothing is official yet from the medical examiners, but why else would have Anna Nicole acted so loopy when she was still alive? Why would anyone who "loved her" let her carry on the way she did?

For as long as we've witnessed Anna Nicole's behavior, we've seen her change from a sexy Marilyn Monroe of the '90s to an incoherent, slurring fixture in the tabloids. How come Howard K. did nothing to help her, but instead married her (seemingly to keep the reins on her)? Because he wanted to make money off her. Every time Anna Nicole made headlines for her behavior, Howard himself earned a nice chunk of the profits.

We all witnessed Anna Nicole's downward spiral. And no one close to her did anything about it. Not even the person closest to her.

Now it's too late for the fallen Anna Nicole. Yet the media won't let her rest in peace, and neither with Howard K., who continues to make money by doing interviews.

It sounds suspiciously like Scott Peterson claiming on television his "love" for his family, after his wife Laci went missing; Howard K. Stern, a man who claimed to have loved Anna Nicole for years (yet allowed her to carry on with other trysts), is said to be mourning his lover, whom he committed himself to shortly after Daniel's death. Yet he allows reporters and cameras on his plane so he can tell his side of the story...and earn a little extra pocket change in doing so.

No, I don't know the parties involved, so I don't know for sure if he's guilty -- but it appears that way to me.

Stern and the E! Network should be ashamed for exploiting a person who needed not publicity, but help.

Rehab at 20

2007-02-15T00:09:00.000-05:00

Actress Lindsay Lohan, who is into her second or third week in rehab, appears to be doing quite well these days. For the past several years, her late-night party girl antics have been fodder for tabloids, just like her predecessor, "American Pie" star Tara Reid. The difference being that Tara is just plain immature, while Lindsay really is underage.

This is exactly why Drew Barrymore had a problem; she was an addict by the time she was 15. Fortunately, she cleaned up her act, and remains a successful actress.

By no means was I ever an angel when I was a teenager. I sneaked wine coolers and maybe the occasional beer when I was still in high school. Was I ever allowed to go clubbing, though? Sure, I got to go with my mother to the karaoke bar at the bowling alley every weekend, but the one time I actually tried to sneak a sip of someone's cocktail just to taste, the bartender understandably chewed me out.

Teens emulate their elders more than we'd like to think. I’m not too far out of their shoes.

So if bar owners could lose their licenses for serving minors, then why do they continue to serve these underage starlets? Is it really worth risking it all for a bit of publicity?

Apparently so.

Call me when Dakota Fanning’s stint at the Betty Ford Center is over.

American Idol: If it isn't broke...

2007-02-14T20:52:00.000-05:00

In the early '90s, ABC Television wanted to capitalize on the success of their show, "America's Funniest Home Videos". So, the following year, they spun-off "America's Funnniest People", hosted by comedian Dave Coulier and soap star Arleen Sorkin. If you've ever watched an episode of family comedy "Full House", then you pretty much get the idea that Dave's a second- or third-rate comedian. But with Arleen, their show was...well, still not very good. Still, they had a chemistry that made the show much easier to swallow. A few seasons later, when producers replaced Arleen with Tawny Kitaen (the model from Whitesnake's "Here I Go Again" video), I never watched "America's Funniest People" again. The show tanked shortly after.

If it isn't broke, don't fix it.

That's only one example of many, and you would think these Hollywood bigwigs would learn from their mistakes by now. If there's an existing chemistry between two or more of the biggest stars on a show, it ought to be an unwritten rule that destroying a good chemistry should be forbidden. One of the biggest things I cannot stand is when I get comfortable with an original cast, the creators decide to shake up the mix -- either by adding unnecessary characters, or replacing characters already established on the show.

However, these rumors about "American Idol" judge Paula Abdul getting kicked off the panel continue to linger. It may or may not be true, but this latest one is going around water coolers like wildfire acoss the US: A few years ago, Belinda Carlisle, the former lead singer for '80s girl group The Go-Gos, was approached to replace Paula.

When Belinda was asked if she wanted to be a judge on the show, she said, "I don't really know. To be perfectly honest, it's just not my thing. I'd rather listen to music that comes from a more organic place. But you know, I just...don't know if I would or not."

Like all television shows, I only watch "American Idol" sporadically, if not rarely. When I do tune in, I enjoy the balance between all three judges. Despite her ongoing silliness, Paula livens everything up.

I just can't imagine someone else taking her place. Each judge has his/her own distinct personality, yet each one "meshes" with the others. Throwing some other random celeb into the mix would be like starting all over again -- that is, if they all hit it off.

Paula is still beloved to "Idol" producers and fans, though. They remained loyal to her even after the Corey Clark scandal (in which a contestant, Corey Clark, accused Paula of seducing him among other things). So, if she can hold her head up, I don't think she's in danger of losing her job. I think there may be some edited-out ditziness on her behalf, but the people running the show seem willing to protect her from looking flaky or fidgety in front of millions of people.

If only I could get paid Paula's kind of money for acting like my lovable, flaky self...what a wonderful world it would be.

Southern Fried Channel

2007-02-13T22:51:00.000-05:00

This just proves there really is a channel for everything.

As satellite television subscribers, we're exposed to all different kinds of new channels and new additions to our package all the time -- not unlike the movie, Stay Tuned. Well, for the last year or so, I've been checking out this satellite channel I've affectionately dubbed "The Redneck Channel".

I would've never stopped for a second if it wasn't for the incredible lack of television entertainment on one rainy day (yeah, I know -- read a damn book, right?).

RFD-TV, Rural America's Most Important Network has been bringing y'all wholesome, quality programming for the rural lifestyle for six years now. You, too, can be magically whisked away to some real down home goodness. One can almost smell the cow patties now. It's helping me get me back in touch with my small town roots.

It's an farmer's/agricultural enthusiast's/polka fan's dream.

Yep, polka. There's this one show called Big Joe's Polka Show. Now, this is something you don't see every day -- a dance hall filled with serious polka dancers, hoop skirts in every color you can imagine, and these big ol' tubas. It's completely different from anything I've ever seen before on television.

I've also been a regular viewer of The Wilburn Brothers classic country shows, cajun chef Justin Wilson's Looking Back, equine competitions, even cattle auctions.

So this is the kind of life redneck woman Gretchen Wilson was talking about.

The whole thing is just so...wholesome. It sure ain't MTV, that's for sure. When RFD talks about dogs, they talk about the best hound dog for your raccoon-hunting expedition, not Doggs named Snoop -- and definitely not bootee-wearing chihuahuas named Tinkerbell.

There is a life beyond Hee-Haw after all.

Makeover Time!!

2007-01-14T16:45:00.000-05:00

I was surfing the internet a few weeks ago and came across a photograph of who I believe is the creepiest-looking guy I've ever seen.

I don't know of this guy's name or anything else about him, but I'll just call him Aryan Honor because that's what he's got tattooed above his eyebrows. A creepy guy, ugly on the inside and on the outside, whose picture accompanied a story I read online.

Aryan Honor is one scary dude -- and if you ever run into him in a dark alley, the best thing to do is to fight as hard as you can...or run in the other direction as fast as you can.

Aryan Honor also appears as if he's had a few fresh assaults on his face. Let's see: two black-and-blue eyes, both bloodshot, a crooked nose from one too many right hooks, and a scowl.

If this guy ever reforms his ways and stays out of fights (he is obviously a criminal; just look at the mug shot), he will most definitely need a makeover.

With a straightened nose, tattoo removal, a bottle of Vicks eye drops, Clay Aiken's hair, and a half-smile, this "after" photo is what Aryan Honor might look like.

Paging "Dr. 90210"...we've got a serious job for you.

What’s It Like to Meet a Celebrity? Depends on the Celebrity

2006-11-11T20:40:00.000-05:00

I've got this Barbara Walters essence about me.

I sport a couple of arms, two eyes, and a mouth.

Oh yeah, and ears, too. On both sides of my head, no less.

I’ve also had the privilege to have met with many famous people.

So -- what is it like to meet a celebrity? It all depends on who it is:

I met folk singer Judy Collins at her Christmas concert. Behind the scenes though, she was in a rather irritable mood, having not been catered to properly by staffers before the show. I think I would be unpleasant, too, if I went all day without a bite.

There are several country stars I have approached backstage. Country and Western singing/acting group Riders in the Sky were comical. Sherrie Austin was a bit of a snob. Ty Herndon? Sweetheart (despite his arrests). Andy Griggs? Pothead. Or at least, he acted like one.

I have come across horror writer Stephen King back home in Maine. He lives not too far from my hometown. Despite the mansion and BMWs, he’s a “regular Joe” -- a pretty approachable guy.

I've met singer BJ Thomas twice. He did a meet-and-greet after the shows I've seen. He took the time to chat for awhile.

I happened upon '60s pop artist Peter Max in Manchester, Vermont, at his gallery opening there. He is a very warm, courteous man.

Bob "Captain Kangaroo" Keeshan used to live in New Hampshire. He came to the radio station I worked at about 5 years ago to record a series of Public Service Announcements for David's House (which is a place for families to stay when their children are being treated at Dartmouth Hitchcock Medical Center). He was rather quiet so I didn’t talk to him very much, but he seemed likable. He passed away the following year.

Speaking of children's icons, I very recently sent an e-mail to the management of Bob McGrath, who plays Bob on Sesame Street. I grew up watching him and the gang on TV, as he is one of 2 original cast members. I have never met Bob, but he is also a very warm, kind man. He responded to my e-mail with an autographed photo.

When I was in broadcasting school, me and another guy from school acquired tickets to see President Bill Clinton on the last stop of his campaign for second term. For the sake of shaking any President’s hand, I thrust my hand out and made contact. This was before the whole Monica Lewinsky incident, of course...

'50s singing star Pat Boone did a show in Claremont, New Hampshire. I introduced him to the audience at the Opera House. Just before that, me and my co-host interviewed him in the john, since it was the only place that was relatively quiet. I found Pat Boone to be extremely pleasant.

I ran into Aerosmith's Steven Tyler by accident. Which is funny, because (knowing full well he lived in the area someplace) I just knew that when I moved there myself, I'd end up meeting him somehow. I was at an audio/video store when it happened. I was there doing a live radio broadcast, just promoting stuff. Steven Tyler walks in, looking to purchase a set of speakers for his boat or yacht or something. He even joined me on the air. Nice dude – but our time was cut short because his wife was eager to leave.

Actor Robert Wagner performed in a play ("Love Letters") in town with his wife, Bond girl Jill St. John. They were both quite pleasant people. Mr. Wagner gave me a gentlemanly peck on the cheek.

I have met Noel Paul Stookey, the "Paul" in Peter, Paul, and Mary. He did a fund-raiser where I met him.

I have also interviewed '50s/'60s singers Chubby Checker, Freddie "Boom Boom" Cannon and "Grease" actor Eddie Deezen by phone. I still correspond with Eddie to this day.

These people must consider themselves really lucky.

Not everyone gets to meet me, you know.

A Star Burns Out

2006-06-27T20:07:00.000-05:00

It's official. After nine seasons on "The View", it has been announced that Star Jones Reynolds will be stepping down from the ABC chatfest. Upcoming changes to the show was cited as the reason for her departure.

It's also no big secret about the animosity between diva Star and outspoken Rosie O'Donnell, who has recently signed on to join "The View".

I'm sure Rosie has some strong opinions about Star. Everybody take a number.

Like all celebrities, Star has her fans. Who? I'm not sure. I think it's great that she's apparently an empowered woman, but other than that, I guess that makes me the "anti-fan".

I don't even watch "The View". Just watching her actions on her own are enough to make me want to turn away.

Star, who was once notorious for her "bridezilla" antics, milked a bunch of sponsors for free stuff for her wedding to Al Reynolds, promising these companies free plugs on "The View". It's sounds an awful lot like "plugola" (promoting goods or services in exchange for money -- or in my opinion, free wedding stuff), and it's illegal.

And I just don't think she dropped all that weight in that short amount of time by herself, despite her claims. I have nothing against trainers, gastric bypass surgery or getting help from professionals for self-improvement. I don't know what she did, but it seems pretty clear to me she paid for the extra pounds to come off. Jeez, Star. We weren't born yesterday.

While I entertain the thought of Star and Rosie both trading jabs on "The View", I wonder where Star will go after her contract expires. But now that she is about to jump ship, I might just start giving "The View" a chance...just because Star isn't there.

And I'm not even a Rosie fan.

My Stupid Sweet 16

2006-06-26T16:09:00.000-05:00

MTV's My Super Sweet 16: a teenager's version of Lifestyles of the Rich and (not-so-)Famous.

I happened to come across this program on MTV one weekend afternoon (remember when MTV used to stand for Music Television?). I normally do not watch MTV, especially since it's no longer a music network. But, out of sheer boredom and being stuck in the house on a rainy day, I decided to give this show a try.

My first thought, prior to seeing the episode, was it was a lavish Sweet Sixteen birthday party for deserving kids who would otherwise not get a Sweet Sixteen.

W R O N G -- I got an F.

My Super Sweet 16 was (and still is) everything it shouldn't have been -- spoiled 16-year-olds who think the sun rises and sets on them. But, at times, like a train crash, I found myself watching it occasionally. I couldn't turn away -- and I wanted to throw a pillow at the TV set every time.

Amidst the gifts of such things like $50,000.00 BMWs, and CDs being given out as invitations (featuring the pretty bad singing of one particular 16-year-old-to-be), there's the rented nightclub or ballroom. All right, if you can afford a large shindig, go for it -- but to raise your kids to be selfish, conceited brats is a drain on society.

This show revolves around the lives of children from privileged families -- very upper-class, indeed. The brattier the better. Usually the focus of each show is some high school "princess" who is out to get everything and anything. And if she doesn't get what she wants -- heaven help her -- she'll "never talk to [her father] again".

My own Sweet Sixteen would've never made it on MTV -- because like the rest of middle-class America, I'm not some kind of annoying, spoiled, useless "princess" who thrives on cash and attention. If that makes me a "jelos H8R", then so be it. I do actual productive things with my life, so that makes me happier than simply wasting my parents' money.

At least I bought my own BMW without help from anybody else.

I'm sure I'm not alone when I say I hope MTV documents these same kids when they are older -- because nothing will hurt more than a good reality check knocking them down. (Ah, maybe there are happy endings after all. Good luck, you spoiled-rich kiddies, you're going to need it.)

Sexy...and Pregnant

2006-04-16T11:12:00.000-05:00

Grace Kelly always behaved with grace, from her style to her ladylike elegance. But gone are the days of hiding your pregnancy under a Hermes bag. Grace always looked beautiful, but that was a time when women didn't flaunt their pregancies, but rather hid under tent-like maternity wear.

Times certainly have changed. I understand there's a big baby boom going on right now, among my girl friends, acquaintances, and among the famous - and really, it's never looked hotter.

Demi Moore and Pamela Anderson are a few of the first women in Hollywood to show off their bump; Demi naked on the cover of Vanity Fair, and Pamela in just various stages of sexiness.

These days you have fashion designers creating maternity styles that rival fashion on the runway. You also have style icons like Gwen Stefani, who not only designs her own clothes, but looks sexy as hell - PG or not. She still gets manicures and pedicures. She still wears heels. She still touches up her hair. She dresses sexy no matter what, and should be an example for all pregnant women. Just because you're expecting doesn't mean you have to look frumpy. Pregnant gals have every right to look sexy, because they deserve to be -- expecting women go through a lot in 9 months.

Pregnant is sexy.

Goodbye, Classic Hollywood

2006-03-11T18:17:00.000-05:00

Grace Kelly. The Duke. Audrey Hepburn. Jimmy Stewart. Doris Day. Tara Reid.

Wait a minute...what? Tara Reid?!

Elegance in Tinseltown is a thing of the past -- where the men were gentlemen, and the ladies conducted themselves with class and sophistication, even outside of their respective studios.

I'm not against having a good time, but whatever happened to conducting yourself with class in public? Granted, I myself have had a few nights out where my husband needed to literally drag me away from the bar. And of course, I'd look and act like a complete jackass. I used to think the world revolved around me, and the world was just one big party. But that was when I was in my early 20s. Time changes everything...or does it?

A few examples of stars behaving badly:

Tara Reid, the American Pie cutie, is now 30ish...and she still parties like it's 1999. I have nothing personal against the actress, but does she even realize what she's doing to herself? She lost her travel-themed show on E!, called Taradise. I wonder why. If you were one of the few who saw the show, she was hopelessly drunk 99.9% of the time. I get a hangover just looking at her.

I consider Tom Cruise to be a mediocre actor -- not bad, but not great -- but in public, I can't stand him. Who does he think he is, anyway? L. Ron Hubbard's incarnate? Tom makes out with Katie Holmes in public just about every chance he gets, rips into Matt Laurer on the Today show, criticizes Brooke Shields for her post-partum depression treatment, dumped Nicole Kidman, the mother of his two adopted children, just shy of their 10th wedding anniversary (so he could escape paying alimony -- under California law, I've heard you have to pay alimony if you've been married 10+ years)...and the list goes on and on. He might as well hump Katie's leg at the next red carpet event they attend -- PDA overkill!!

Britney Spears and Kevin Federline had their own reality show on UPN, called Chaotic. All Britney talked about was sex, sex, sex. Oh, and more sex. I'm not surprised this show lasted only one season. Besides, all their shaky homemade footage caused me a great deal of motion sickness. So much for self-promotion.

Don't ever p*** off actor Russell Crowe, or he'll beat you up with a telephone or something. He's like a male version of catty supermodel Naomi Campbell. Imagine Mickey Rooney doing something like that.

Now, Tara looks cute when she's not hammered. Tom and Katie are about to become parents, so congrats to them (even though he's a couch-jumping control freak). Britney seems like an otherwise normal redneck person. Russell Crowe just needs anger management classes. Everyone has their good points (well, except for Kevin Federline). Problem is, is that they desperately need to practice their good points in public.

Today's Hollywood has a few classy ones left. Halle Berry, Gwyneth Paltrow, George Clooney, and Hillary Swank.

But classic (and classy) Hollywood is no more. When did this happen?

Sad.

Which Blonde Has More Fun Now?

2006-03-09T20:17:00.000-05:00

It seems that a whole lot of pop stars, actors and actresses have their public feuds.

Joan Crawford versus Bette Davis. The Beatles versus The Rolling Stones (supposedly). And after the Beatles, it was Lennon pitted against McCartney.

Nowadays, the tabloids report squabbles between Tom Cruise and Brooke Shields, Hilary Duff and Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton versus Nicole Ritchie (or [insert name here]), and probably the most publicized of all fights in recent years -- Britney Spears versus Christina Aguilera.

I was checking out an article yesterday at AOL.com about the ongoing spat between the two pop tarts and ex-Mousketeers. There's nothing like a good (famous) girl fight!!

So who wins?

AOL reports that Britney's downward spiral happened right after Madonna's public kiss at the opening act of the 2003 MTV Music Awards.

Recently, Madonna's 9-year-old daughter Lourdes even asked her mom if was gay "because you kissed Britney Spears". Madge's reply? She said she was the "mommy pop star" and Britney was the "baby pop star", and that the kiss was like passing on some sort of magic or some crap. Madonna may be the Queen of the Pop Music World, but in no way does she possess special powers. Gee, did everyone forget that Madonna also kissed Christina that night? Even the cameras barely caught the exchange between Madge and Christina, because everyone was still shocked from the Britney/Madonna make-out. If they were all going for shock value that night, Christina got screwed.

Meanwhile...

Christina - has 3 Grammys, obviously a happy newlywed, and a lot of #1 singles. Wears more clothes these days (excellent job ditching the Dirrty look, which made her look quite a bit skanky). Lately has been channeling Marilyn Monroe with her new, glammed-up style. The verdict? Classy.

Britney - has 1 Grammy (well it is better than nothing), has a lazy, do-nothing "second" husband who consders her a "trophy wife" (yet he calls her "fat"), and has maybe a handful of #1s. Looking very disheveled lately, including barefoot "gas station bathroom hopping". (I understand Brit's a new mom, but even new moms deserve to be sanitary!!) She's a real-life Bratz doll. The verdict here: trashy and fading fast.

Britney Spears might have sold a helluva lot more records, but Christina Aguilera has staying power. Xtina has an amazing voice, and she sings her heart out...while Brit, though her songs are catchy, sounds like an Alvin and the Chipmunks reject.

I still do respect each woman in her own way (Madonna is still on top after 20+ years, Britney practically took over the world in her prime, and Christina is just an overall talented singer who used to get overshadowed by Britney...now it's Christina's turn). Britney Spears could possibly make a comeback, and maybe then I'll eat my words. But in the long run, Christina Aguilera wins hands down.

The best things come to those who wait.

The Jennifer Aniston/"Brangelina" Saga Drags On...

2006-03-05T12:33:00.000-05:00

This is just so ongoing and frustrating!! All right, we get it, Jen, you and Brad are not on good terms. But I am also getting sick of the media publicity surrounding Brad Pitt and that rivals "TomKat" (that's Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes...And what's with the merging of every celebrity couple's name these days? It started with "Bennifer" [J. Lo/Ben Affleck] and it got out of control from there).

Whose team am I on: Team Aniston or Team Pitt-Jolie? Here poses a question that has divided our nation.

Jen, quityerbitchin' and move on!! So Ange followed her heart (and the voices in her head) and into Brad's arms. This all happened after Jen and Brad's marriage was on the rocks. Angelina might have had a crazy, whacked-out past, but she is not at all a "homewrecker" -- at least not this time. Angie is a humanitarian with 2 beautiful children +1 on the way with a modern-day Robert Redford. Oh yeah, and she has an Oscar. And she's gorgeous. But I am getting sick of seeing the both of them plastered all over magazines and the media. I was a fan, and I still am...but not to the extent as I once was. I'm beginning to wonder if she parades her kids around in front of the cameras just to make herself look wholesome, an image she had to work with in her personal life. As far as Brad Pitt? Overrated -- and always has been overrated. I'm not saying he's a bad actor because he's actually quite good. I just don't see his "hotness". Cute, yeah. Gorgeous? Nah. Either way, these two are getting to be annoying.

However, I can see Jen's point of view sometimes. I was just as shocked as the most of the rest of the entertainment world when she and Brad split up. I did feel sorry for her when the announcement was made. I have never really had a problem with Jen. Like Angelina, I've even liked a few of Jen's movies. Jennifer, though, is the one that, no matter where she goes, is subjected to countless photos and references of her ex-husband canoodling and cavorting with a rival actress (whose own track record in romance is questionable) -- even before the divorce papers were signed. She has every right to be pissed off. And it's a free country -- if Brad's mom wants to remain friends (no pun) with Jennifer, why not? It won't help Brad and Angelina much, but this is America. Even though at this point, however, I do wish Jen would shut up about all this Brad stuff and move on with her life...yesterday. I once thought Jennifer Aniston was a strong (and strong-willed) woman who'd overcome this with her own personal victory, but I'm beginning to change my mind.

Back to my original question: So whose team am I on, anyway?

Team Me and My Husband, that's whose team I'm on.

Remakes...Sequels...and Bad Acting, Oh My...Part II

2006-03-03T23:56:00.000-05:00

So they remade the Pink Panther, with Steve Martin as the bumbling Inspector Clouseau. Uh...why? No offense to Steve, since he's a good actor in some movies. But I think this role is wrong for him. I just can't picture him as Inspector Clouseau. And the point of Beyonce' Knowles in this movie is why? All right, we get it. Beyonce' is an extremely attractive woman. But as far as sex appeal and popularity, that's why they cast the double-D breasted, poppy blonde sort-of-diva Jessica Simpson in the role of Daisy Duke. Sex, sex, and some more sex. That's showbiz, I assume.

I thought Hollywood learned its lesson when it recreated the adventures of the Dukes of Hazzard.

With the exception on King Kong (the latest remake), My Fair Lady (the Audrey Heburn adaption) and a thimbleful of others, I just don't understand the point of remakes. The (original) Little Mermaid would probably scare kids these days. I would know because I have seen both versions, and Disney's sugarcoated "Ariel the Mermaid" version doesn't stack up to the original, lacking the drama of the first one. Sure, there were some peppy tunes in the sountrack, but it's whatever makes a ginormous corporation like Disney lots of money, I guess.

You might as well remake Gone With the Wind.
Britney Spears as Scarlett O'Hara. Jennifer Love Hewitt as Melanie Wilkes. Ashley Wilkes could be played be Ashlee Simpson, as she is rather "mannish"...and Martin Lawrence as Mammy, since he likes dressing up like "Big Momma" so much. Whatever is popular these days, I suppose.

Whatever happened to just making a good movie for the sake of making a good movie?! Jeez.

"Britney O'Hara."

Uh, No, the Bird is Not the Word

2006-02-28T20:51:00.000-05:00

Ugh, Elmo again?!

I know today is Mardi Gras, but Elmo dressed this way is ridiculous.

For those of you new to this blog, I am not and never will be a fan of Sesame Street Muppet Elmo. I just don't like him. He irks me. The way some people are irked by clowns.

So I just saw this on the telly today: now there's this new Elmo doll being advertised, with him in Toucan Sam's feathers or something, singing "The Bird is the Word".

And the point is?

BIG BIRD IS ALREADY A BIRD and Elmo is the one singing this song.

I cannot stand this furry little red menace!! Enough of Elmo already.

Yes, Bears Do Poop in the Woods

2006-02-20T22:44:00.000-05:00

I wish the following commercials would just go away already.

Those damn pooping Charmin bears!! Ugh!! Sometimes when I have to tend to the call of nature, those bears poop-...I mean, pop into my head, with them shaking their poopy bottoms at the camera. Then I get even more disgusted at that pooint. I sure hope they wash their paws afterward. Mr. Whipple would never shake his dirty butt at the camera...those were the days. If you want a good laugh, click onto inkblots.craniumleakage.com.

The NutriSystem ad with Bachelor reality TV star, featuring Zora What's-Her-Face. Okay, I get it, you love chocolate, and any diet that lets you eat chocolate is a diet that works for you. I GET THE POINT.

Cortislim!! So I see, that nasty little stress hormone is why I'm overweight!! It's nothing more than a placebo which has not been evaluated by the FDA. Shuddup already!! I'd rather watch Bowflex commercials (and those seem to take forever).

Strangely somehow, I do end up getting sucked into those late-night informercials -- especially the ones featuring Ronco and the George Foreman Grill. "Just set it...and forget it!!" I also sit up at night watching those long commercials pitching any CD collection from the '60s or the '70s. Commercials like these intrigue me for some reason.

But I also don't get exposed to Mr. Ronco or George every single day. Enough of the poopy bears, already. Sheesh.

Remakes...Sequels...and Bad Acting, Oh My

2006-02-06T11:00:00.001-05:00

Is Hollywood running out of ideas? I can understand Kill Bill, Volumes I and II, but I can't quite understand why these people in Hollywood feel the need to remake a classic or turn out a horrible sequel. The examples are endless. I loved Austin Powers, International Man of Mystery, but Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me was pretty lame (I did like AP: Goldmember, but it still didn't quite stack up to the original). Scarlett was a made-for-TV miniseries based on a book of the same name, as well as a sequel to Gone With the Wind...awful. Just awful. Bewitched, The Dukes of Hazzard, Scary Movie 2, all stinkbombs. Grease was the word in '78, but why Grease 2?...Love Michelle Pfeiffer, but girlfriend can not dance.

There are a few exceptions. The latest King Kong movie is getting rave reviews.

But Hollywood remade Psycho, with word-for-word dialogue starring Vince Vaughn and Anne Heche, and it still sucked.

H'Wood!! You're boring me here!! The Class of 2005 was by far the worst year in movie history.

Celebrity Siblings...Children...Parents...Great-Aunts...Third Cousins...

2006-01-30T18:51:00.000-05:00

The Barrymores. The Marx Brothers. Blythe Danner and Gwynnie Paltrow. The Bee Gees. Sometimes, true talent runs in the family.

But nowadays, more often than not, celebrity relatives are becoming famous for no reason at all, or for their "talent" (or rather, lack of talent).

Take the Spelling family. Aaron, wife, and kids Tori and Randy. Randy tried to be an actor after Tori hit it big on Beverly Hills, 90210. And she isn't the best actress, herself. They got in the biz because of Daddy Spelling.

Ashlee Simpson. Kid sis of Jessica Simpson. Phony and unprofessional.

The Arquettes, Baldwins, and company...they make up 1/4th of Hollywood, for crying out loud.

Britney's little sister's name is Jamie Lynn Spears. She stars in Nickelodeon's Zoey 101. It appears Jamie Lynn has adopted Britney's diva-like demands, and she has about enough talent in Brit's pinkie finger. And I don't even like Britney (even though I do feel bad that she's married to that slob of a husband, Kevin Federline, who is also riding Britney's success).

Haylie Duff is the older sis to Hilary Duff, star of Disney movies and Lizzie McGuire. She was actually an actress before Hilary, but Hilary was discovered first. So if Haylie can prove herself without using her sister's name, I'll give her respect. But she still has yet to accomplish something on her own other than Napoleon Dynamite.

I will make exception for Jennifer Lopez's sister, Lynda. She's a skilled broadcaster. I prefer her much more than J. Lo -- Lynda is the real deal. "Jenny From the Block" is completely fake.

Point is: There are too many real talented people out there that deserve a break, and they can't get it because of certain situations, including this one.

Celebrity relatives who ride the coattails of their famous sisters, brothers, et cetera, are about as useless as an 8-track player.

I would rather watch has-beens on reality shows like Danny Bonaduce, who is far more entertaining, interesting, and honest than The Carters -- Nick and Aaron Carter -- any day.

Elmo, Elmo, Elmo

2006-01-30T12:48:00.000-05:00

Sesame Street has been around since 1969, a production of the Children's Television Network. The show was created with the best of intentions -- to educate youngsters before entering their school years. And to instruct with delight proved effective on young minds, with the use of beloved Muppet characters, a neighborhood scenario with diverse cultures, and cartoon shorts.

The Sesame Street of my time began circa 1979, when I was 3 years old. Virtually the same scenario as it had been for the past 10 years, with the exception of added cast members (i.e. Maria) and an actor change for one character (that would be Gordon, who was played by 2 different actors, a la Darrin from Bewitched).

I remember fondly Big Bird and the gang, the classic skits, and the educational cartoons. I remember the pinball cartoon that helped kids learn to count...the blue screen with 20 yellow dots that each had their own personalities...Bob's singing....Maria and Luis' marriage...Mr. Hooper's death...The chef who tripped down the stairs with like, 10 chocolate cream pies..."One of These Things"...Snuffy becomes a recognized member of Sesame Street...I could go on and on. I had Big Bird toys, slippers, Bert and Ernie bedsheets, and even more recently, a gold Big Bird pendant. Yes, I watched reruns of the show on Noggin well into my 20s, just for fun and to reminisce. I actually was a "regular" until about the 6th grade, knowing damn well I was too old to watch a preschooler's show. But I still loved revisiting my younger years and was delighted to see the familliar things I watched growing up with the show.

Then along came Elmo.

Elmo, as folks with children know, is a Muppet who is about 3 or 4 years old, mentally. Physically he's been there since the '80s. He is bright red with a great big smile.

So why do I dislike Elmo so much?

In the third grade, I learned about "red herrings"...unnecessary things textbook writers throw into mathematic problems. Elmo, to me, is a red herring. I did not grow up watching Elmo.

His laugh annoys me ("hah-hah-hah-hah"...ugh, shudder) and, like Paris Hilton, seems to be out to take over the world.

He wasn't there when the show began -- he came along a good 15 or so years afterward. Why did CTW feel the need to add an annoying new character?

No doubt about it. Elmo is the most popular Muppet on the show. And if he wasn't enough, they added a friend for him called "Zoe" who I tolerate slightly more than the red furball. Granted, I'll take Elmo over Barney any day. But Elmo is still quite the annoying little thing. Grover had a point and kids learned lessons from him. Same goes for Oscar and the rest of the gang. But Elmo is just there for his cuteness and nothing more.

I continue to watch the show occasionally because I do enjoy remembering my younger childhood years. I also plan on watching it with my own future children. If little kids enjoy Elmo, fine. But I just don't think I will ever warm up to him. He takes up so much of the show now that's it's practically impossible to avoid him. He even has his own show within the show called "Elmo's World."

Even the people in my age bracket, twenty- to thirty-somethings, adore Elmo. "Oh, Elmo, he's so cute, blah-blah-blah..." People have knock-down, drag-out brawls over Elmo dolls during the holidays. I don't get it. Imagine that. Little Elmo a ca$h cow. Though I will always hold a special place in my heart for this classic children's television show, I think Sesame Street has officially jumped the shark.

Then again, I have never really cared much for overrated things or people. And on that note, folks, we'll save for another day (those damn celebrities...).