No wonder Paris Hilton acts the way she does.

Go on, Elliot Mintz (Paris' spin doctor). Go on and insult our intelligence. Tell us why it appears that our precious American "royalty", -- cough -- Paris Hilton, is smoking reefer.

And don't try passing it off as her enjoying a smokeless tobacco cigarette or some BS like that, Mr. Yes-Man. It must be nice to lie for a living, you scumbag!!

As for our wonky-eyed heroin(e): it's a long, hard road to Anna Nicole-land...but with her excessive partying, Paris isn't having any trouble traveling that road.

Did Howard K. Stern Contribute to Anna Nicole's Demise?

No, the news isn't official.

It's obvious.

Former Playmate of the Year/Guess Jeans model Anna Nicole Smith, died on February 8 under mysterious circumstances at the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel and Casino in Hollywood, Florida. She had recently fallen on some hard times.

Her 20-year-old son Daniel collapsed and died in Anna Nicole's hospital room last September, while he was visiting his mother and newborn sister in the Bahamas. There has been a lot of speculation that Howard K. Stern, Anna Nicole's longtime lawyer, had given Daniel the lethal drug, meant to alleviate the withdrawal symptoms of heroin addicts.

I have even more reason to believe that Stern may have unwittingly contributed to the untimely death of Anna Nicole in an attempt to earn himself some more money off her tragic figure. Recently, a photo appeared on TMZ.com of the contents of Anna Nicole's refrigerator at her house in the Bahamas. Inside was some meal replacement shakes, spray butter, some other condiments, and a large bottle of liquid methadone.

Methadone. The very drug that was found in Daniel's body after he collapsed and died. No, nothing is official yet from the medical examiners, but why else would have Anna Nicole acted so loopy when she was still alive? Why would anyone who "loved her" let her carry on the way she did?

For as long as we've witnessed Anna Nicole's behavior, we've seen her change from a sexy Marilyn Monroe of the '90s to an incoherent, slurring fixture in the tabloids. How come Howard K. did nothing to help her, but instead married her (seemingly to keep the reins on her)? Because he wanted to make money off her. Every time Anna Nicole made headlines for her behavior, Howard himself earned a nice chunk of the profits.

We all witnessed Anna Nicole's downward spiral. And no one close to her did anything about it. Not even the person closest to her.

Now it's too late for the fallen Anna Nicole. Yet the media won't let her rest in peace, and neither with Howard K., who continues to make money by doing interviews.

It sounds suspiciously like Scott Peterson claiming on television his "love" for his family, after his wife Laci went missing; Howard K. Stern, a man who claimed to have loved Anna Nicole for years (yet allowed her to carry on with other trysts), is said to be mourning his lover, whom he committed himself to shortly after Daniel's death. Yet he allows reporters and cameras on his plane so he can tell his side of the story...and earn a little extra pocket change in doing so.

No, I don't know the parties involved, so I don't know for sure if he's guilty -- but it appears that way to me.

Stern and the E! Network should be ashamed for exploiting a person who needed not publicity, but help.

Rehab at 20

Actress Lindsay Lohan, who is into her second or third week in rehab, appears to be doing quite well these days. For the past several years, her late-night party girl antics have been fodder for tabloids, just like her predecessor, "American Pie" star Tara Reid. The difference being that Tara is just plain immature, while Lindsay really is underage.

This is exactly why Drew Barrymore had a problem; she was an addict by the time she was 15. Fortunately, she cleaned up her act, and remains a successful actress.

By no means was I ever an angel when I was a teenager. I sneaked wine coolers and maybe the occasional beer when I was still in high school. Was I ever allowed to go clubbing, though? Sure, I got to go with my mother to the karaoke bar at the bowling alley every weekend, but the one time I actually tried to sneak a sip of someone's cocktail just to taste, the bartender understandably chewed me out.

Teens emulate their elders more than we'd like to think. I’m not too far out of their shoes.

So if bar owners could lose their licenses for serving minors, then why do they continue to serve these underage starlets? Is it really worth risking it all for a bit of publicity?

Apparently so.

Call me when Dakota Fanning’s stint at the Betty Ford Center is over.

American Idol: If it isn't broke...

In the early '90s, ABC Television wanted to capitalize on the success of their show, "America's Funniest Home Videos". So, the following year, they spun-off "America's Funnniest People", hosted by comedian Dave Coulier and soap star Arleen Sorkin. If you've ever watched an episode of family comedy "Full House", then you pretty much get the idea that Dave's a second- or third-rate comedian. But with Arleen, their show was...well, still not very good. Still, they had a chemistry that made the show much easier to swallow. A few seasons later, when producers replaced Arleen with Tawny Kitaen (the model from Whitesnake's "Here I Go Again" video), I never watched "America's Funniest People" again. The show tanked shortly after.

If it isn't broke, don't fix it.

That's only one example of many, and you would think these Hollywood bigwigs would learn from their mistakes by now. If there's an existing chemistry between two or more of the biggest stars on a show, it ought to be an unwritten rule that destroying a good chemistry should be forbidden. One of the biggest things I cannot stand is when I get comfortable with an original cast, the creators decide to shake up the mix -- either by adding unnecessary characters, or replacing characters already established on the show.

However, these rumors about "American Idol" judge Paula Abdul getting kicked off the panel continue to linger. It may or may not be true, but this latest one is going around water coolers like wildfire acoss the US: A few years ago, Belinda Carlisle, the former lead singer for '80s girl group The Go-Gos, was approached to replace Paula.

When Belinda was asked if she wanted to be a judge on the show, she said, "I don't really know. To be perfectly honest, it's just not my thing. I'd rather listen to music that comes from a more organic place. But you know, I just...don't know if I would or not."

Like all television shows, I only watch "American Idol" sporadically, if not rarely. When I do tune in, I enjoy the balance between all three judges. Despite her ongoing silliness, Paula livens everything up.

I just can't imagine someone else taking her place. Each judge has his/her own distinct personality, yet each one "meshes" with the others. Throwing some other random celeb into the mix would be like starting all over again -- that is, if they all hit it off.

Paula is still beloved to "Idol" producers and fans, though. They remained loyal to her even after the Corey Clark scandal (in which a contestant, Corey Clark, accused Paula of seducing him among other things). So, if she can hold her head up, I don't think she's in danger of losing her job. I think there may be some edited-out ditziness on her behalf, but the people running the show seem willing to protect her from looking flaky or fidgety in front of millions of people.

If only I could get paid Paula's kind of money for acting like my lovable, flaky self...what a wonderful world it would be.

Southern Fried Channel

This just proves there really is a channel for everything.

As satellite television subscribers, we're exposed to all different kinds of new channels and new additions to our package all the time -- not unlike the movie, Stay Tuned. Well, for the last year or so, I've been checking out this satellite channel I've affectionately dubbed "The Redneck Channel".

I would've never stopped for a second if it wasn't for the incredible lack of television entertainment on one rainy day (yeah, I know -- read a damn book, right?).

RFD-TV, Rural America's Most Important Network has been bringing y'all wholesome, quality programming for the rural lifestyle for six years now. You, too, can be magically whisked away to some real down home goodness. One can almost smell the cow patties now. It's helping me get me back in touch with my small town roots.

It's an farmer's/agricultural enthusiast's/polka fan's dream.

Yep, polka. There's this one show called Big Joe's Polka Show. Now, this is something you don't see every day -- a dance hall filled with serious polka dancers, hoop skirts in every color you can imagine, and these big ol' tubas. It's completely different from anything I've ever seen before on television.

I've also been a regular viewer of The Wilburn Brothers classic country shows, cajun chef Justin Wilson's Looking Back, equine competitions, even cattle auctions.

So this is the kind of life redneck woman Gretchen Wilson was talking about.

The whole thing is just so...wholesome. It sure ain't MTV, that's for sure. When RFD talks about dogs, they talk about the best hound dog for your raccoon-hunting expedition, not Doggs named Snoop -- and definitely not bootee-wearing chihuahuas named Tinkerbell.

There is a life beyond Hee-Haw after all.

Makeover Time!!

I was surfing the internet a few weeks ago and came across a photograph of who I believe is the creepiest-looking guy I've ever seen.

I don't know of this guy's name or anything else about him, but I'll just call him Aryan Honor because that's what he's got tattooed above his eyebrows. A creepy guy, ugly on the inside and on the outside, whose picture accompanied a story I read online.

Aryan Honor is one scary dude -- and if you ever run into him in a dark alley, the best thing to do is to fight as hard as you can...or run in the other direction as fast as you can.

Aryan Honor also appears as if he's had a few fresh assaults on his face. Let's see: two black-and-blue eyes, both bloodshot, a crooked nose from one too many right hooks, and a scowl.

If this guy ever reforms his ways and stays out of fights (he is obviously a criminal; just look at the mug shot), he will most definitely need a makeover.

With a straightened nose, tattoo removal, a bottle of Vicks eye drops, Clay Aiken's hair, and a half-smile, this "after" photo is what Aryan Honor might look like.

Paging "Dr. 90210"...we've got a serious job for you.

What’s It Like to Meet a Celebrity? Depends on the Celebrity

I've got this Barbara Walters essence about me.

I sport a couple of arms, two eyes, and a mouth.

Oh yeah, and ears, too. On both sides of my head, no less.

I’ve also had the privilege to have met with many famous people.

So -- what is it like to meet a celebrity? It all depends on who it is:

I met folk singer Judy Collins at her Christmas concert. Behind the scenes though, she was in a rather irritable mood, having not been catered to properly by staffers before the show. I think I would be unpleasant, too, if I went all day without a bite.

There are several country stars I have approached backstage. Country and Western singing/acting group Riders in the Sky were comical. Sherrie Austin was a bit of a snob. Ty Herndon? Sweetheart (despite his arrests). Andy Griggs? Pothead. Or at least, he acted like one.

I have come across horror writer Stephen King back home in Maine. He lives not too far from my hometown. Despite the mansion and BMWs, he’s a “regular Joe” -- a pretty approachable guy.

I've met singer BJ Thomas twice. He did a meet-and-greet after the shows I've seen. He took the time to chat for awhile.

I happened upon '60s pop artist Peter Max in Manchester, Vermont, at his gallery opening there. He is a very warm, courteous man.

Bob "Captain Kangaroo" Keeshan used to live in New Hampshire. He came to the radio station I worked at about 5 years ago to record a series of Public Service Announcements for David's House (which is a place for families to stay when their children are being treated at Dartmouth Hitchcock Medical Center). He was rather quiet so I didn’t talk to him very much, but he seemed likable. He passed away the following year.

Speaking of children's icons, I very recently sent an e-mail to the management of Bob McGrath, who plays Bob on Sesame Street. I grew up watching him and the gang on TV, as he is one of 2 original cast members. I have never met Bob, but he is also a very warm, kind man. He responded to my e-mail with an autographed photo.

When I was in broadcasting school, me and another guy from school acquired tickets to see President Bill Clinton on the last stop of his campaign for second term. For the sake of shaking any President’s hand, I thrust my hand out and made contact. This was before the whole Monica Lewinsky incident, of course...

'50s singing star Pat Boone did a show in Claremont, New Hampshire. I introduced him to the audience at the Opera House. Just before that, me and my co-host interviewed him in the john, since it was the only place that was relatively quiet. I found Pat Boone to be extremely pleasant.

I ran into Aerosmith's Steven Tyler by accident. Which is funny, because (knowing full well he lived in the area someplace) I just knew that when I moved there myself, I'd end up meeting him somehow. I was at an audio/video store when it happened. I was there doing a live radio broadcast, just promoting stuff. Steven Tyler walks in, looking to purchase a set of speakers for his boat or yacht or something. He even joined me on the air. Nice dude – but our time was cut short because his wife was eager to leave.

Actor Robert Wagner performed in a play ("Love Letters") in town with his wife, Bond girl Jill St. John. They were both quite pleasant people. Mr. Wagner gave me a gentlemanly peck on the cheek.

I have met Noel Paul Stookey, the "Paul" in Peter, Paul, and Mary. He did a fund-raiser where I met him.

I have also interviewed '50s/'60s singers Chubby Checker, Freddie "Boom Boom" Cannon and "Grease" actor Eddie Deezen by phone. I still correspond with Eddie to this day.

These people must consider themselves really lucky.

Not everyone gets to meet me, you know.

A Star Burns Out

It's official. After nine seasons on "The View", it has been announced that Star Jones Reynolds will be stepping down from the ABC chatfest. Upcoming changes to the show was cited as the reason for her departure.

It's also no big secret about the animosity between diva Star and outspoken Rosie O'Donnell, who has recently signed on to join "The View".

I'm sure Rosie has some strong opinions about Star. Everybody take a number.

Like all celebrities, Star has her fans. Who? I'm not sure. I think it's great that she's apparently an empowered woman, but other than that, I guess that makes me the "anti-fan".

I don't even watch "The View". Just watching her actions on her own are enough to make me want to turn away.

Star, who was once notorious for her "bridezilla" antics, milked a bunch of sponsors for free stuff for her wedding to Al Reynolds, promising these companies free plugs on "The View". It's sounds an awful lot like "plugola" (promoting goods or services in exchange for money -- or in my opinion, free wedding stuff), and it's illegal.

And I just don't think she dropped all that weight in that short amount of time by herself, despite her claims. I have nothing against trainers, gastric bypass surgery or getting help from professionals for self-improvement. I don't know what she did, but it seems pretty clear to me she paid for the extra pounds to come off. Jeez, Star. We weren't born yesterday.

While I entertain the thought of Star and Rosie both trading jabs on "The View", I wonder where Star will go after her contract expires. But now that she is about to jump ship, I might just start giving "The View" a chance...just because Star isn't there.

And I'm not even a Rosie fan.

My Stupid Sweet 16

MTV's My Super Sweet 16: a teenager's version of Lifestyles of the Rich and (not-so-)Famous.

I happened to come across this program on MTV one weekend afternoon (remember when MTV used to stand for Music Television?). I normally do not watch MTV, especially since it's no longer a music network. But, out of sheer boredom and being stuck in the house on a rainy day, I decided to give this show a try.

My first thought, prior to seeing the episode, was it was a lavish Sweet Sixteen birthday party for deserving kids who would otherwise not get a Sweet Sixteen.

W R O N G -- I got an F.

My Super Sweet 16 was (and still is) everything it shouldn't have been -- spoiled 16-year-olds who think the sun rises and sets on them. But, at times, like a train crash, I found myself watching it occasionally. I couldn't turn away -- and I wanted to throw a pillow at the TV set every time.

Amidst the gifts of such things like $50,000.00 BMWs, and CDs being given out as invitations (featuring the pretty bad singing of one particular 16-year-old-to-be), there's the rented nightclub or ballroom. All right, if you can afford a large shindig, go for it -- but to raise your kids to be selfish, conceited brats is a drain on society.

This show revolves around the lives of children from privileged families -- very upper-class, indeed. The brattier the better. Usually the focus of each show is some high school "princess" who is out to get everything and anything. And if she doesn't get what she wants -- heaven help her -- she'll "never talk to [her father] again".

My own Sweet Sixteen would've never made it on MTV -- because like the rest of middle-class America, I'm not some kind of annoying, spoiled, useless "princess" who thrives on cash and attention. If that makes me a "jelos H8R", then so be it. I do actual productive things with my life, so that makes me happier than simply wasting my parents' money.

At least I bought my own BMW without help from anybody else.

I'm sure I'm not alone when I say I hope MTV documents these same kids when they are older -- because nothing will hurt more than a good reality check knocking them down. (Ah, maybe there are happy endings after all. Good luck, you spoiled-rich kiddies, you're going to need it.)

Sexy...and Pregnant

Grace Kelly always behaved with grace, from her style to her ladylike elegance. But gone are the days of hiding your pregnancy under a Hermes bag. Grace always looked beautiful, but that was a time when women didn't flaunt their pregancies, but rather hid under tent-like maternity wear.

Times certainly have changed. I understand there's a big baby boom going on right now, among my girl friends, acquaintances, and among the famous - and really, it's never looked hotter.

Demi Moore and Pamela Anderson are a few of the first women in Hollywood to show off their bump; Demi naked on the cover of Vanity Fair, and Pamela in just various stages of sexiness.

These days you have fashion designers creating maternity styles that rival fashion on the runway. You also have style icons like Gwen Stefani, who not only designs her own clothes, but looks sexy as hell - PG or not. She still gets manicures and pedicures. She still wears heels. She still touches up her hair. She dresses sexy no matter what, and should be an example for all pregnant women. Just because you're expecting doesn't mean you have to look frumpy. Pregnant gals have every right to look sexy, because they deserve to be -- expecting women go through a lot in 9 months.

Pregnant is sexy.